Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Randomize
