Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
