i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
