good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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