instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
