My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
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