I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize