Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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