so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
