yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
