I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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