You just made me feel so damn special
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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