im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
