how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
