hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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