happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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