Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
