Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
