Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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