all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
