turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
