I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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