Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
