I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Randomize
