i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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