Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
