So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
