hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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