you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
