I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
