I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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