If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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