I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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