Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
