So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
You're earring is so big in my mouth
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Randomize
