k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
