I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Randomize
