Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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