Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Randomize
