I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
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