so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
