after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Randomize
