My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Randomize
