I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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