I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
