One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
