yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
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