another moral hangover. fuck.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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