just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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