Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
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