Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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