I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
