Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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