Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
