omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
We're not piercing ourselves today.
My penis needs a shock collar
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
