I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
