Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
