Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
