did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
MIDGETS
????
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
