You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
