So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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