i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
She tied me up with her honor cords...
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize