Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
