Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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