I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
