she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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