Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
