bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
