I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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